


Tempted

by Athena13



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Break Up, First Time, Friendship, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Temptation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:17:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena13/pseuds/Athena13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set two years after Season 2. White lies only cover the truth, they don't change it. Michael, Ben, and Brian's white lies and truths are exposed, changing their lives forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted at on the B/M Yahoo group and QAF archives in 2004. Ten years later I started to polish the work and post it here. My intention had been to edit out the errors and add a little more depth to the story. Still, I struggled with it and recently came to the conclusion that I could not simply make minor edits. That this story needed an overhaul in a big way to be true to my vision of Brian and Michael. 
> 
> Since there seems to be some confusion on the part of readers when this story takes place, I am providing this information to you. This story deviates from the show during season 2, which is when I wrote it. The story starts two years after Ben and Michael marry (I made that up back then) - as indicated in the time lapse mentioned at the start of the story. As I re-write I am selecting some events from later seasons to be included, but many will not be included. Here is a list of some key events:
> 
> What has happened from the show - Brian is outed to his family; Brian's father dies; Brian started Kinnetik; Justin goes to LA for the Rage movie; Brian had cancer; Liberty ride; Ben and Michael marry; Debbie dates Horvath; Ben had trouble getting books published; Vic moves in with Rodney
> 
> What has not happened - Stockwell; Temmett; Justin returning from LA; Hunter didn't run away; Vic's death
> 
> What has happened in this fanfiction universe - Brian's mother died
> 
> Hopefully the rest is self explanatory as to what has or has not happened and what I create. Please feel free to provide constructive feedback.
> 
> If you want to read the original story in its entirety it's at fanfiction.net under Athena13.
> 
> Thank you to those that hang in there with this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of just a beginning.

~~~~~~~~~  
 _I'm so tempted by you_  
 _I've never wanted someone this much_  
 _You have touched my soul this is way beyond my control_  
 _I know what I'll have to do_  
 _I'm so tempted by you_  
From “Tempted” by Janice Grace

~~~~~~~~  
Michael & Ben’s Apartment  
~~~~~~~~

“Asshole!”

This was not an uncommon outburst from one Michael Novotny, comic book store owner and comic book author. Michael was the kind of person that trusted and believed in people, even long after the showed him evidence that they should not be so trusted. It was part of what made him the perfect friend for one Brian Kinney, but it also caused Michael to be hurt in situations – and by people – that others would probably have abandoned for their own protection a lot sooner. Or so his friends often claimed amongst themselves. Part of this bias towards trust was a habit of making impulsive decisions.

Let’s not mistake impulsive for risky, though. Some of Michael’s most impulsive decisions were to place himself in situations of security to make up for the security he had lacked growing up with a single mother who worked long hours to support them. For instance, he impulsively quit community college and went to work at what he thought was a safe job at the Big Q to help support his family. He impulsively decided over and over again to stay in that quicksand of a job until he impulsively decided to quit with no real back up plan in place. Michael’s success rate at making impulsive was about 65%, which was actually pretty impressive. It was just that that 35% really hurt, and often resulted in him finally becoming willing to call an asshole “asshole.” Often, he was that asshole.

The inspiration for the exclamation of asshole tonight – and for him slamming the cordless phone into its base from which it bounced out onto the behind the couch table – was the impulsive decision to marry a guy during a brief visit to a foreign country and without any hint of advance planning. As comfortable as it was to get married in jeans, it wasn’t really what he had always dreamed about. Nor was Ben the guy standing in front of him in those dreams. 

Michael’s lips twisted into a cynical expression as he spied the cordless balancing precariously on the edge of the table. Just like his marriage. 

He could count back the exact number of days he had stayed in this marriage; it was, after all, inexorably tied to the birth of his amazing daughter Jenny Rebecca. It was, in fact, twenty-seven months, two weeks, four days, and some number of hours. Which, now that he was being honest with himself a lot longer than it took for him to begin to realize that it had been a poor choice to make. 

The count repeated in his head as he tried really hard not to think about how long it really took for him to know it wasn’t going to work, which was a much shorter amount of time had he just been willing to admit it at the time. The bigger mistakes were the things he had done to try and save the marriage. 

Tears pricked Michael’s eyes. He didn’t want to cry, didn’t feel himself deserving of such relief and he pressed his fingers into his eyes. Ben was an asshole for flying off to London with his former lover to a writer’s conference, after essentially telling his husband he wasn't welcome, and then not being reachable – or trying to reach Michael – for three days now. But Michael was the bigger asshole and he might not be able to fix what he had broken.

His steps slow, reflecting the weight of guilt he felt as a physical presence weighing him down, he reached the smaller of the windows in the living room. He leaned heavily against the window casing and looked out onto the street. They had moved to this apartment less than a year ago at Ben’s urging. While it was only a few blocks from the apartment Michael had lived in for years, the urban renewal made it look like they were in a whole other city. It was quiet at night, all the street lights worked, and his car never got vandalized. 

Michael banged his fist on the window sill relishing the pain he caused himself. It was no match, though, to the pain on the inside him. He knew very well why his husband was unreachable and what a fool that made him. What an asshole. 

The phone fell to the floor behind and, startled by the noise, he turned away from the window. His glance fell on the phone and then he did a deeper study of the rest of the living room. 

It was peaceful looking and done completely to Ben’s taste. Yet another of the uncountable compromises he had made for the sake of his marriage. Michael and Hunter had wanted more color than the taupe couch and carpeting and the white chairs, but Ben had insisted the green tea accents were enough color. They didn’t want it to look like a teenager’s apartment after all, did they? Ben didn’t even bother to hide that he meant that Michael’s taste was stunted at Hunter’s age, at most. The only concession he made was to let Hunter decorate his own room as he liked, mostly. Since Hunter insisted on moving out after high school graduation, that was where Michael slept when he and Ben slept apart; a condition that happened more often than not over the past year. 

Michael sighed and rubbed his eyes.

Hunter moving out was yet another bone of contention in their marriage. Michael of course hadn’t wanted Hunter to leave, but he could understand the kid wanting to get away from the tension between his two dads. For wanting to spread his wings and have the full college experience. He wasn’t going to be so far away since he was starting out at the same community college that Michael had dropped out of and stayed at first with Uncle Vic and Rodney before moving in with friends. But Ben had been angry at Michael for supporting Hunter’s choice – as if they really had a choice. As if Hunter could be controlled. Like Michael had been, except in this thing where he supported Hunter at the cost of peace in his marriage.

He hadn’t even stood up for Brian, who Ben came to blame for all their problems. It was as if Ben knew the words that Brian spoke back in Canada. Words that when he gave himself permission to remember them made his heart stop.

 _Never should have had that second piece of wedding cake. But when the love of your life marries somebody else, what choice do you have but to drown yourself in butter cream filling?_

The doubt that those words raised about his marriage flooded through him again now. As did the paralyzing fear he had been suppressing back then about Brian’s health, about losing him to cancer. But Brian had still not let him close, had kept his battle from his best friend, and Michael, he realized now, had latched on to Ben for security. 

Michael rubbed his hand over his forehead. His fucking marriage wasn’t even recognized in Pennsylvania and he had pretty much sold his soul for it – at least sold Brian for it. How had he let it go that far? Five letting it go as unimportant and two hundred compromises later and he was caving in to the pressure of Ben and the marriage counselor and putting boundaries in place with his best friend and the man he admittedly used to have more than friendly feelings for. Michael pounded his hand on the table before bending down and picking up the phone and putting it back in the base. 

He had wanted to make everything okay. Had believed that Ben’s lashing out would stop if he kept going along. That his disappointment and anger at having two books rejected, his jealousy about Rage getting a movie deal and being picked up by Stan Lee’s vanity comic imprint, would go away; Michael just needed to make some temporary compromises. How the hell cutting Brian out of his life became something he could ever do confounded him. He wondered, only half-jokingly, whether Ben had been putting Prozac in the tofu like Hunter accused. Jokes aside, Hunter was a smart kid. Had told his dad that all of the compromises he was making seemed harmless but would build up until his life looked nothing like he thought.

Michael pulled the cell phone out of the front pocket of his jeans and looked at it. It had been a long time since the phone rang and it was Brian on the other line. From talking multiple times every day it was every few days, maybe a week between calls. All initiated by Michael and sometimes Brian didn’t answer. Not that he could blame him.

Between Ben’s lashing out, his mother’s advice, and the marriage counselor somehow he had lost who he really was. Really, he thought, taking relationship advice from a guy who let the love of his life go to sleep around, a woman who didn’t tell her gay boyfriend turned cross-dressing diva that she was a pregnant and someone who obviously wasn’t a good marriage counselor. Brian gave better relationship advice, for fuck’s sake. 

Like when Ben’s former lover, a noted gay writer, came to town for a speaking engagement at Carnegie Mellon and then stayed to help Ben polish his book so he could use his connections to get the right people to look at it. Brian told him he was being a fool for trusting Ben with a former lover that Ben was so obviously still hung up on; and Michael hadn’t even told him that the ex was the love of Ben’s life. 

Slumping down on the couch, Michael’s finger hovered over the phone. He didn’t deserve him, would understand if he ignored his call or hung up on him, but Michael needed his best friend. Even if he didn’t have the right to call him that anymore.

 _“Mikey.”_

Brian’s angry drawl of his pet name caused a lump to form in Michael’s throat. “Brian, I. Can you come over?” Michael stopped and cleared his throat. 

_“I’ll be right over.”_

Michael let a few tears spill over in relief that there was no hesitation. That Brian hadn’t just told him to fuck off. He would have deserved it. Just as he deserved all the “I was right” gloats as Brian could fit in for the rest of their lives. If he was so lucky as to have Brian in the rest of his life since Michael had been the one to tell Brian that they had to have _boundaries_ in their friendship. 

_“Boundaries? Is Ben so insecure and you such a pussy that you’re parroting your marriage quack at me?”_

_Michael knew that the dangerous look on Brian’s face covered up the deep hurt caused by Michael’s reluctant request that Brian’s unannounced visits and their nights out decrease out of respect for his husband’s feelings. He urgently wanted to take back his words._

_“This is just like with the Proctologist. Is his dick that big that you’re willing to give up your life to keep getting it? What else are you giving up for him?”_

_“He doesn’t have a problem with anyone else,” Michael reluctantly admitted._

_“For now, but one by one he’ll manipulate you into getting rid of your entire life. You already live in a fucking monastery that scared off a kid who used to live on the streets. You’re fooling yourself, Michael. This marriage is never going to last unless you give up you entire identity.”_

_Brian leaned in closer. “I bet he hasn’t given up shit for you.”_

_Michael’s heart stuttered at Brian’s nearness. His heat, his scent flooded Michael’s senses. All that he had thought he had put away the night of his confession to Ben had been just been hiding under the surface all this time. He put his shaking hand on Brian’s neck and fought the urge to taste the skin. Brian deserved to know what this was really about._

_“He‘s jealous of you.” Michael paused and made sure Brian was looking into his eyes. “He’s jealous of you because he’s always known how I felt about you. That I was in love with you.”_

_He felt Brian shiver and watched as his eyes dilated and moistened. He saw the question in them and it was his turn to shiver._

_“He knows that I still love you.”_

_“More than him?” The roughness of Brian’s voice told Michael how much Brian didn’t want to ask._

_“Always Have. Always will.” He felt himself shaking again as the words reverberated through him. Their words. He sighed when Brian wrapped his arms around Michael, pulling his body into its protection. Into the world they had always resided in alone. Michael collapsed against his friend. Feeling safe and comforted as he hadn’t in longer than he could remember._

_What the hell was he doing? Michael’s mind screamed at him. Why the hell was he hurting Brian because Ben was feeling rejected? Because of the man who had just left town as quickly as he had swept in. Michael didn’t think he could go through with this. He had to, he had given his word. In their wedding and in their marriage counselor’s office._

_“Mikey.” Brian leaned down and pressed his lips to Michael’s._

_Michael didn’t even try to avoid the familiar kiss, rather he melted into it as his mind wondered if this would be the last. His arms tightened around Brian and he surrendered fully to the plunder. The voice in the back of his mind, a young Michael, whispering at him that this might be his last chance to ever make love to Brian. He moaned into the kiss._

_Brian stiffened and stumbled back, hiding his lips behind the back of his hand._

_Michael struggled to catch his breath. To resist surging towards Brian again. That voice in the back of his head was now Ben’s and sternly telling him he was right and Michael had betrayed him first. And always. He ignored the voice, but didn’t take a step towards Brian who was looking angry, devastated and like sex on legs. He suddenly wanted to tell Brian the rest of the story. He bit his lip instead. If he told Brian Ben’s secret he knew that Brian would never go along with what he was asking. He had to do this, he had made a vow._

_“See ya around Mikey. Or not.” Brian grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out the back door of the comic book store leaving Michael standing alone in the tiny office._

_Michael already missed him._

The knock at the door pulled Michael from the painful memory and filled him with an eagerness to see his friend, even if his friend was going to shoot both barrels of his hurt and anger at him. He’d take an angry Brian over no Brian any day. He swung open the door and pulled Brian into the apartment before the man even had a chance to speak. Michael reveled in Brian’s laughter as he pulled him into the apartment and into the bedroom. 

“Whoa! Really, revenge sex, Mikey?” Brian pushed Michael away and took off his jacket and tossed it on the bed and rubbed his hands together. “Let’s get back at the Professor!” 

Michael shook his head. Of course, Brian knew what was going on all along. He left his much missed friend standing the middle of the room and began to dig through the bottom drawer of his nightstand. From the back he pulled out a joint and held it up with a gleeful look. It slipped when he saw that Brian’s good humor had been a façade. His friend was on the bed leaning back on his elbows and his legs stretched out in front of him and his feet resting on the floor. 

“Does the Professor police what you smoke in addition to who you see?” Brian snapped, his hazel eyes looking like they did when he’d stumble in after a run in with his father. Michael lost some of his rebellious glee and grunted as he sat down on the bed next to Brian. 

“Yes.” The quiet admission felt like Michael was pulling a pin from a dam. “Yes. He polices what I smoke, what I eat, who I see and when. He polices what our home looks like. How we spend money. The only fucking thing he doesn’t police is what I read, but that’s because he doesn’t think that I’m smart enough to read anything more advanced than a comic book. All those words without pictures might confuse me, after all!” Michael began pacing in front of the bed. “I never had a father to guide me so I should be so thankful he married me!”

Michael stopped pacing and looked at Brian, a vicious look on his face. “Unfortunately, he never displayed his condescension about how I was raised in front of Ma!” He let out a bitter laugh.

“What the fuck is going on, Michael?” Brian stood in front of Michael. 

“Do you have a light?” 

Brian snorted and shook his head. He was really close to just punching Michael for the second time in their lives. He couldn’t believe that Michael really thought after months of being _persona non grata_ he was just going to light up a joint and hang out like nothing ever happened. Brian’s thoughts paused. Isn’t that why the moment he heard Michael’s voice on the phone he just rushed over no questions asked? Brian’s shoulders dropped and he let out a breath. He really wanted to do just that. 

“What the fuck is this? The cat’s away so the mouse will play? One night of hanging out and then back to banishment?”

Brian never was the kind of guy to just play along.

Michael rubbed his forehead with his free hand, the other still clutching the joint Hunter had given him for his birthday when Ben wasn’t around, telling him he needed to lighten up because he missed his cool dad. 

“Ben is away…”

“Yeah, in London at a gay writer’s conference.” Brian rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Where the keynote speaker is famous gay author Jackson Delaney. The former lover he met at the Iowa State Writing Program. The guy who showed up in town, got Ben all excited about his rejected snoozefest then disappeared. Then you’re suddenly kicking me out of your marriage.”

Yeah. Brian knew just about everything. Michael’s head had been too far up Ben’s ass that he had underestimated his old friend. 

“Now, Ben’s away with Jackson so you call me to get revenge. Did you finally figure out that he’s being screwed by the guy who makes him feel as inadequate as you’ve let him make you feel?”

“Brian…”

Michael couldn’t really argue, but a part of him still felt the need to defend Ben. It was an ingrained habit by now. He was so busy mentally struggling with the urge and figuring out how to make things right with Brian that he missed his old friend’s familiar use of Ben’s mister’s first name. 

“But I probably deserve it.” Brian shrugged. His hands now on his hips. “I kept you on a string all those years, according to Ted,” He stalked over to Michael and got in his space. Put his hand on Michael’s hips. “Kissing you, dancing with you, keeping you chasing after me to finish that hand job so I’d have someone to drive my drunk ass home. You’ve heard that one too, right?”

“Bri.” Michael’s voice was breathy as Brian leaned over him, overwhelming him with his inherent sexuality. 

“You want to use me for revenge? Well, Michael.” He leaned closer, his lips hovering just in front of Michael’s. “That’s not gonna happen. I did this thing called growing up while you played unhappy homemaker to another daddy figure.” He moved out of Michael’s reach and around to the other side of the bed.

Michael was stunned into silence for a minute. “I’m an asshole.”

“Yeah you are.” Brian paused. “So am I.”

“I never believed what anyone said. They don’t understand us.”

“I thought you did.” Brian’s words put a world of hurt on display. It felt like an arrow through Michael’s heart.

“I did. I do. I was as idiot for what I did to you and to Ben.”

“What the fuck did you do for the Steroid Man other than let him control you?”

“I let him control me to hurt other people.” Michael held up a hand before Brian could cut him off again. “I didn’t call you here tonight for revenge. I missed my friend. I missed _you_. I want us back, for good not just tonight.”

“What about needing _boundaries_ to prop up your marriage?”

“It’s over. Done.” Michael meant it. It didn’t matter if Ben missing their check in calls wasn’t because he was rekindling the flame with his ex. He was getting out. How exactly he wasn’t sure, but after dangling on the cusp for so long he had finally fallen. Like the phone fell from the table earlier.

Michael watched as Brian expelled a breath and closed his eyes. 

“How can I make things right with you, Brian? What do you need me to do?” Michael blurted out, unable to watch the hurt march over his friend’s face. Hurt that he had caused. He was the one who had always known how sensitive Brian was under the layers of protection and he had deliberately caused him pain. He wasn’t sure that Brian would ever forgive him. 

Brian opened his eyes and stared at Michael. His look was intense, but for the first time ever Michael couldn’t read what he was thinking. All he knew was that he had to wait for Brian to say what he had to say first. He saw Brian reach into his pocket and his own heart began to speed up.

“Light up the damn joint and don’t get too fucking maudlin for a change.” Brian tossed him a lighter. Michael caught it and let out a happy laugh. 

~~~~~~~~  
Liberty Diner  
~~~~~~~~

After the two newly reunited friends finished the joint, during which Michael only choked once and didn’t get maudlin – at least not any more than he already was – the munchies hit. Michael cajoled Brian into going to, the Liberty Diner since it was his mother’s night off. Not really unwilling, Brian didn’t agree to go to their old haunt until Michael promised to pay. 

Michael was digging in a big plate of fried chicken and waffles, while Brian was holding back his correct observation that Michael wouldn’t have eaten like that in front of Ben. Well, unless Debbie was the one forcing the meal and glaring Ben into submission. Brian had tried to order a tuna sandwich, but Michael had put a kibosh on that and ordered Brian what he was having, along with a side of fries for them to share. 

Brian was enjoying himself watching Michael shove the fattening food into his mouth, but wasn’t convinced that it was a good idea for himself. It definitely wasn’t because at almost 34 his metabolism was slowing down, he insisted to himself. 

“Are you planning to eat it or just admire it?”

“Admire this crap?” He looked around the diner pointedly and then back at Michael. “We’re not exactly in an art museum.”

“It tastes good.”

Brian shook his head and picked up his water. He was enjoying watching Michael’s enjoyment of his meal. He couldn’t imagine telling Michael that he couldn’t enjoy what he was so obviously passionate about. He might razz him about it, but would never stop him. Sure, he knew he mocked what others claimed to want, but he had never tried to make anyone conform. He was a one of a kind, after all. He had seriously hated it when Justin tried to mold himself in his image, despite the unneeded ego boost he briefly enjoyed. 

Still, he had been really close to speaking up at Michael’s farce of a wedding and putting a stop to things. Only Debbie’s threat stopped him. Not because he was afraid of the strident woman; or even worried about disappointing the woman who had been more of a mother to him than his own. May Satan be enjoying her soul, Brian thought as he always did when his thoughts went back to his now rotting in the ground bio-donor. It was because Debbie had been right in her own ham-handed fashion all those years ago when she said that Michael had a right to make his own choices without Brian interfering. She knew just as well as anyone including that back then that Michael would always take Brian’s opinions into account. 

Boy that had changed since he got married. That power had gone to Ben and Ben had abused it. Brian’s hands clenched into fists in his lap. He watched Michael keep his mouth full and avoid looking into Brian’s eyes. Probably bracing himself for an infinite amount of “I told you sos”. But Brian was feeling too magnanimous, and stoned. He had told Ben, just as he had told David before him, he would be around long after he was gone from Michael’s life. He was far too happy to be right just then to be smug; especially since it had been a close thing over the past few months. 

The ink on the fake divorce papers wasn’t dry yet, but there was no fucking way that Brian was going to let things happen any other way. Michael had called and he was going to be the superhero that his friend used to see him as. With an impish impulse he threw a fry at his friend. 

“It’s too bad Debbie never taught you table manners like St. Joan did for Claire and I.”

“Throwing fries across the table is such good manners.” Michael snorted and threw a fry back.

Brian smiled again and looked down at his plate. God he had missed being with this man. He couldn’t fucking believe it that he didn’t know before and that he knew it now, but there was no way he was going to be without Michael in his life again. 

“You gonna eat that?”

“You’re not getting my food.” Brian took a large bite of chicken leg. “Woody’s next? And don’t tell me it’s a school night. ”

The sound of Michael’s laughter helped his digestion immensely.

~~~~~~~~

“Come on, Mikey. Let’s go dancing.” Brian had his arms wrapped around Michael’s shoulders and was bumping his friend’s neck with his nose. He took a deep breath of the much-missed Mikey scent and barely resisted sneaking a taste. 

“Brian.” Michael giggled and tried to get the key into the lock of his front door. After the Diner they had headed to Woody’s for more beers and some unidentifiable shots that Brian had dared him to drink. He had refused to move the party on to Babylon citing the fact that they both had work in the next morning with Brian’s day starting earlier than his. 

“Party pooper.” Brian sighed and grabbed the key and easily got them inside. He pushed Michael through the doorway before him and pushed him towards the couch. “This place is so boring, Mikey.” He pushed aside the pretentious magazines on the coffee table and propped his feet up in the way he knew drove Ben crazy. “There’s nothing of you here. I always fucking hated that.” 

When there was no response Brian turned his head and discovered that his friend had fallen asleep. Brian chuckled and gave Michael a tender smile as he indulged in the rarely presented opportunity to study his friend. It had been months since he’d been this close to Michael and years since it was just the Brian and Mikey show. Since Michael’s 30th birthday party when he had acceded to Debbie’s wishes and gave Michael a big push into his own life. For a while he thought he’d gotten Mikey back, it had been an illusion and since Ben they’d just moved further and further apart. 

Brian gently brushed the hair off of Michael’s brow. 

“I’m not letting you go again, Mikey.”

*End Chapter 1*


	2. Chapter 2

~~~~~~~~  
Buzzy’s Comics  
~~~~~~~~

For Michael the proof that he was in his thirties was the hangover that clung to him the entire morning. It wasn’t too painful, just a bit of a queasy stomach and a light headache that lingered until he took himself to the Diner for a greasy lunch. Eating the burger gave him the dual satisfaction of getting rid of the symptoms he never had to deal with in his twenties (except after a night out with Brian that didn't end until morning) and being a silent defiance to the still-absent Ben’s eating edicts. 

After paying for his burger and leaving a generous tip for his mother’s coworker Bess, he savored the walk back to the store. He took slower steps than he usually did and breathed in the fresh air, waving hello, and even stopping to talk with some of his shopkeeper neighbors on the way. Despite the hangover and the unreturned phone calls of his MIA husband he had woken up this morning with a new lease on life. Brian was back in his life.

Michael let out a laugh as he waved at D’Shawn who was redoing the window of his pet grooming store. This week’s theme was “Pretty Pomeranians”. Sometimes the windows tempted Michael to buy a dog of his own, but Ben wasn’t a fan of dogs and Michael always figured he’d had enough of taking care of everyone else. Though that had changed these days. The thought brought another smile to his face.

Ma and Detective Horvath took good care of each other. It gave Debbie someone else to focus on besides her only son and Horvath welcomed the care. Horvath gave his mother the companionship and stability his mother always craved. Together they were even inspired to fix up the house and bring the décor into this century, with a bit of flair since Debbie had conspired with Emmett on the design. But it was still nice and still, as Carl put it with a fond smile, very Debbie.

Uncle Vic and Rodney were thriving, both in their relationship and their health. They were doing wonders for the AIDS home, really creating a community in the house and with the neighbors. Fundraising was on the up and Vic was working with Emmett in a successful catering business. Rodney had just started this thing called blogging and Ben said he was becoming a sensation in cyberspace. Bringing real attention to the cause, Ben said. 

Ted was in a stable, happy, and meth-free relationship with Chad.

Justin was still in L.A. and loving it. 

Brian's business was thriving and their friendship was getting back on track.

He'd always be there for his son Hunter, but Hunter was preoccupied school, his girlfriend, and the friends he'd made.

Jenny Rebecca and Gus had their mothers, despite their ups-and-downs. 

Everyone was taken care of and happy. His was the only life in upheaval just then. 

Michael was pulling his keys out of his pocket when his phone rang. He dug that out too and answered while he unlocked the door.

_”Michael.”_

Stunned to hear Ben’s voice, Michael almost dropped the phone and bashed is shoulder against the door he was opening when he bent down to catch the phone. He caught the phone and yelped into it. 

Michael shook his head and relocked the door behind him and left the “Back Soon” sign turned outwards. He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what he should say in greeting so he just held onto the phone and walked into the back room of the store and dropped his keys on the desk. Then reached up and rubbed his aching shoulder.

_”Michael. Michael. Michael. Are you all right?”_

“Hello Ben, it’s been a while.” Michael closed his eyes and bit back a laugh. He hadn’t intended to channel Brian. 

_I, uh, I’m coming home. Sunday.”_

“That was the plan, Ben.” Was he really not going to mention not being in touch all week?

_”We need to talk, Michael. When I’m back.”_

“Yeah, we do.”

_”I love you, Michael.”_

“I love you, too.” Tears pricked Michael’s eyes. He did love Ben. And he knew what they weren’t saying was that it was over. “See you Sunday.” Michael closed the connection before either of them said something they couldn’t take back. Sunday was the day for that. Michael rubbed his chest, the pain in his shoulder forgotten. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. 

“But it was supposed to end,” Michael whispered out loud. Still, it was hard and it was painful. At least he had made a start with Brian. Oh, he knew it was only a start. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than one night on the town and fried chicken for Brian to forgive and get their friendship back on track. It floated in the back of Michael’s mind that he was dealing with an ending and a beginning, but it was Ben’s voice whispering the thought so he brushed it aside and went to open the store. While he unlocked the door and turned the sign to “Open” he worked on steeling his resolve for that conversation on Sunday. 

~~~~~~~~  
Kinnetik  
~~~~~~~~

“You look so refreshed, it’s almost eerie,” Cynthia said as she spread Brian’s schedule book on his oversized glass desk.

“It’s the new Italian cosmetics we’re pitching. They really work. Do I look eighteen yet?” Brian grinned maniacally.

“Luckily for you, no. I hear you were a spaz when you were eighteen.” Cynthia grinned widely. She’d been saving that one for years.

“Who said that?” Brian pointed his pen at his assistant threateningly.

“Michael.” Cynthia laughed at Brian’s expression. “If it’s any consolation he said he was a dweeb.”

“He still is,” Brian grumbled and looked down at this desk, but failed to hide from Cynthia the smile at the thought of Michael talking about him even when he wasn’t around.

“I don’t know, I’ve always thought he was hot. Something about that light skin, dark hair, kind eyes, and toned body.” Cynthia was practically drooling. “Ben’s not too shabby either, mind you.”

“I don’t know about that.” Brian smirked and rebelliously stirred his coffee with his finger. The Professor seemed pretty shabby to him. 

“Something’s changed.” Cynthia tilted her head. “You and Michael made up.”

Brian couldn’t stifle the smile his assistant’s insight caused. 

“Please.” Cynthia waved a hand. “That was the easy part. Figuring out you two were on the outs. Your worse than usual temper. The sad face. No calls from Michael through your desk line. A heck of a lot less calls on your cell. The sad face.”

Brian pressed the tips of his finger together as Cynthia laid out her evidence. 

“What took me a while was figuring out the cause of the fight. Normally, I would assume you did something, but Michael would have forgiven you long before now. I know it’s none of my business what happened, unless you want to share.” At her boss’s baleful look she rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I’m glad you finally forgave him. Or at least trying to. I know you’re not fluent in that language.”

“Just tell me when my meeting is here and get out.” Brian shook his head and waved her out of his office. 

“Anything for you boss, Boss.” Cynthia swished out of the office and shut the door with a careless bang.

Brian blew out a breath, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. After a few hours of restless sleep after he got back to the loft in the wee hours he gave up trying to force sleep and got in the extra treadmill time he needed after last night’s feast. Catching himself being maudlin, he snorted and tossed a pen across his desk, watching it bounce before it came to a stop next to the design boards he was supposed to be reviewing. His mind just wasn’t on his work yet. 

Brian stood up and walked around his desk and began pacing around his office. 

He was at war with himself. A part of him was still furious with Michael for what he asked of him. The other part was proud of himself for giving Michael the space he had asked for to try to save his farce of a marriage. He knew that it was the least that he could do for Michael, even without Debbie showing up in his pleading to let her baby boy make his own mistakes. 

Brian jerked to a stop and clenched his hands into fists.

This was the last time. 

No one was going to come between him and Mikey again. 

Resolved, he turned back to his desk and ripping apart the ad proposals his team had come up with for their meeting this afternoon. Some blue pen and sending his staff on a mad scramble to get it together before the meeting would get the creative juices flowing to nail the contract.

** End Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

~~~~~~~~  
Buzzy’s Comics  
~~~~~~~~

Michael smiled at his young customer as he handed him change, ignoring the kid’s curious look at the beeping of his phone. As soon as the kid was out of the door he grabbed the phone from under the counter and opened it up and pressed the button to turn off the voice mail alert. He was busy and didn’t feel like dealing with his mother. She was insisting on a big family dinner on Sunday when Ben came back. She wasn’t willing to allow for Ben’s jet lag after traveling overseas and there was no way he was going to get into the state of his marriage. She’d be even more irate when she finally caught up to him, but he needed time to figure out how to handle it.

“Coward,” Michael muttered as he shoved the phone back under the counter. 

“What’d I do?”

Michael looked over at the two teenagers looking carefully through the Superman comics to the right of the counter. “I meant me, Jason. Hey, Randy.” 

“What’s going on? Fight with your hot friend? Haven’t seen him in a while,” Randy pried cheekily as he ran his fingers through his wheat blond hair. The two teens were always mesmerized whenever Brian walked into the store and stepped up their primping, such as it was for two science-minded honor students of fifteen who only wore jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, and an array of comic book themed baseball caps. 

“I got a couple of new titles you two might like.” Michael stepped out from behind the counter with a handful of comics in his hand and handed them over to the taller of the two teens, the dark-haired Jason. 

“Any new Rage coming out?” Randy asked.

“No, sorry. Soon.” Justin was caught up in the whirl of Keller’s efforts to get Rage made as an indie film and working as an assistant on few viable projects and they hadn’t had a chance to catch up and work on Rage in months. Michael was getting pressure from the label and he was finally starting to seriously consider other illustrators. He’d had some unsolicited applicants, as well as a couple suggested by Stan Lee himself.

Of course, that was another area where Michael had been a coward, letting Ben’s resentment about his work on Rage hold him back. 

“But give these two a try, on the house,” Michael offered. 

“You don’t have to do that, Michael.” Jason pulled on the “Hulk” cap holding down his brown curls and elbowed Randy back when his friend told him to shut up.

“You’re good customers. I’m sure you’ll like these enough to add them to your subscription.” He winked at Randy and handed him the comics. He accepted their thanks and headed back to grab their weekly envelope. Like him and Brian had back in the day, Jason and his friend shared their comics. They were loyal to him and each other and, seeing himself and Brian in them he favored them. He took the exact change that Jason handed him and waved them goodbye as they took their goods and left.

He had kept track throughout the afternoon, but he still pulled out the subscription bins to see how many were left to be picked up that week. As he took inventory the bell over the door rang again. He looked up and a feeling of relief swept through him as he watched Brian saunter over to the counter. It was almost dusk but Brian was wearing his dark sunglasses. His long brown tweed coat skimmed his body revealing a dark brown tailored suit with every step he took. Almost thirty-four and Brian Kinney was as beautiful as ever. Maybe even more beautiful as age had refined his features and his character. 

Michael shoved the bins back under the counter and stepped closer just as Brian reached the counter and leaned forward on it. “I’m looking for the latest Captain Astro, Mr. Comic Book Man.”

Michael laughed and reached over and pulled off the sunglasses and let them dangle from his fingers inches from a harsh death by glass counter. “I’m sorry, kid, but Captain Astro died.” 

“Never.” Brian put a hand over his heart. “Captain Astro will never die!”

Michael laughed again. The relief he felt at his friend coming to him despite the tension of the past few months mingled with the deep love for his best friend. He was amazed that things were just as comfortable as ever, as if there had never been breach. He didn’t expect that to hold, though. Brian’s moods were always mercurial and never more so than when he was hurt.

He watched Brian lose the faux adolescent expression in favor of the concerned look that made Michael wince for having put it in there in the first place. 

“Nothing.” Michael put Brian’s sunglasses on the counter and grabbed Brian’s hand. “Captain Astro.”

“Mikey.” Brian turned his hand and entwined their fingers. 

Michael studied their entwined hands for a moment before looking up. “Let me close up. Then we can get going.” 

Brian didn’t let go for a few moments and then pulled back. 

Michael felt and saw the reluctance and smiled reassuringly at his friend. He was going to make sure that night that Brian understood that he wasn’t ever going to push his friend away in favor of his husband or anyone else. Too many people had let Brian down; he wasn’t going to be one of them any longer. Sometimes he fucking hated Ben for getting him to hurt Brian.

“Okay, but no Diner tonight, please!” Brian called out while Michael locked up. 

Michael turned and looked at the corner with a wistful look. “Whatever you want, Brian. Whatever you want.”

“Actually, there is somewhere I want to take you.”

~~~~~~~~

This was not what Michael had expected as Brian took the ticket from the parking valet who had greeted him by name. Brian being greeted by name in any number of places wasn’t surprising; it was either a former trick or an employee at an upscale store or restaurant where he was a valued customer. Sometimes the greeters were one and the same. Why a parking valet at this refurbished pre-war building at the end of Charlotte Street knew Mr. Kinney was a mystery to Michael. There was a niggle in the back of his mind that something momentous was happening, he just wasn’t sure of what it was. 

“Brian, what…”

“Come on, Mikey.” Brian interrupted him and put a hand on the small of his back and pushed him through the large glass door being held open by a man in a uniform who also gave Brian a formal welcome. 

Michael’s brow furrowed as Brian stopped them at a security desk in the middle of the lobby. It was large and luxurious, but it also felt welcoming. Sort of homey. Everything seemed to sparkle – the two crystal chandeliers, the wall sconces, the marble floors. But that was softened by the two seating areas. Brown and sea foam green area rugs with comfortable looking couches and chairs covered in velvet browns and pillows that matched the rugs. Tables between them filled with magazines, lamps, and small plants. One area had a man reading a book with a cup of coffee from the Nespresso machine in a small kitchen area next to a door that was labeled “Charlotte Café”. The other seating area had three people – two women and one men chatting animatedly. 

Michael took it all in while he listened to the man who introduced himself as James telling “Mr. Kinney” that everything was cleared for him and his friend Michael to visit. He handed Brian an envelope from which Brian withdrew a key and a folded piece of paper. Bemused, Michael returned James’ greeting and then followed Brian to the bank of elevators. There were two, each with a range of numbers next to them. Brian pressed the button for the one with the “11 to 21” range. 

“What’s going on, Brian? What it this place?” Michael’s voice was tinged with a worry he couldn’t suppress. Brian’s expression, the strange place, was throwing him off. 

Deep down Michael actually knew what his friend was going to show him, but he didn’t want to admit it. He had been with Brian many times when he found something that he wanted. He recognized the curl of lips that wasn’t really a smile, but more an expression of a deep-seated desire being fulfilled. He was just resisting what he knew was coming. His own life was in such turmoil, with so much change going on he wanted to be able to hold on to something stable and, really, unchanged. His friendship with Brian was part of that, but so was everything around Brian. From his loft, his job, Woody’s, Babylon, his tricking, his resisting getting old, to his hurts, wants, and desires. When Brian had opted for a sporty BMW and got rid of the Jeep that had been weird enough. Without all that to hold on to he was afraid he was going to drown. He was scared at what he would find at the end of the elevator ride to the twentieth floor.

Brian was wearing a look of gleeful anticipation when he stepped out into the softly lit hallway. The carpeting was the same brown and sea foam green as the lobby and the wall sconces were also the same. The walls had a subtle khaki-colored textured wall paper and the apartment doors were a dark mahogany. Brian led him to the left to the end of the hallway and put the key in the door. Michael found himself holding his breath as he walked into the apartment entry-way. It wasn’t large, but larger than Michael expected. There was enough room for about four people to be greeted and put their coats into the coat closet Michael assumed was behind the door to the left. Brian was punching in a code that he was reading off note that had been in the envelope.

Michael couldn’t resist walking out of the entry way and down the hallway. He stopped short when the hallway ended and opened into a large open plan area. To the right was a gorgeous kitchen that put the one in Brian’s loft to shame. The appliances were gleaming black, there was even a built in espresso bar, and the cabinets looked like a dark cherry wood. The was a breakfast bar covered in a dark granite and led to a dining room area with a chandelier that was a miniature version of the ones in the lobby. That opened into a large living room that had an entire wall and corner of glass that led to a balcony. There was another small hallway at the other end of the dining area that led to a small area that had three closed doors at the end. There was no furniture and the walls were white. The original moldings looked new at the top of the walls. It smelt new; like it was just waiting for someone to make it a home.

Brian came up behind Michael and put his hands on his shoulders. 

“What do you think?”

Michael swallowed and took a deep breath before turning to face his friend. “It’s gorgeous.” He studied his friend’s face carefully. The pride and the excitement were obvious and he felt his heart sink. Then the guilt. He should be happy for his friend and he promised to only show that when his friend finally told him what was going on.

“Check out the rest.” Brian put his arms around Michael and instead of leading him further inside the apartment as his words implied he would be, he pulled his friend against him. He buried his face in Michael’s neck and took a deep breath. 

Michael couldn’t suppress the shiver that the feel of Brian’s deep exhale on his neck caused. He felt an answering shiver in Brian’s body. Michael put his hands on Brian’s shoulders. Before he could ask his friend what was wrong, Brian pulled back and flashed him a big smile and pulled Michael over to the glass wall, opened the sliding door, and then dragged Michael out onto the balcony. 

“Wow.” Michael’s eyes widened as he took in the view of the river and the sunset happening on the other side of the city. The air smelled so much fresher up here than it did down on the ground. It also felt a lot cooler and he shivered under his black leather jacket.

“The balcony doesn’t get direct sun so it’ll never be too hot,” Brian told him as he leaned up behind Michael and wrapped his arms around him. Michael welcomed the warmth. He felt his body chase out the chill the higher altitude air caused and then get even warmer. Hotter. 

Michael squirmed and his mouth went dry as worry chased out the physical sensations. He couldn’t bring himself to ask when Brian had made the offer for this place, when he was moving in, had he already sold the loft. All he could do is be in the moment with Brian. Things inside himself were breaking apart faster than he had expected, there was no chance of bottling it all back up; but everything he had learned from Ben kept all thoughts of the future at bay. All his half-formed wishes coming back to life were burnt up in the heat suffusing his body. 

They stood there until the sun was almost gone from view and the city around them darkened. 

Brian moved away and went back inside. Michael shivered again in the cool air for a moment before following him back into the shelter of the apartment. 

Michael was quiet as Brian led him around to all of the rooms. There were two rooms that Brian told him could be offices or guest rooms and a shared bathroom. Then there was another hallway that Michael hadn’t been able to see when they walked in that led to the master bedroom with its own _en suite_ bathroom. One side of the bedroom was also glass and had its own balcony. There were two large closets. Everything in the apartment smelt of fresh paint, new parquet, and new carpeting.

Michael found the apartment to be dazzling, but he was more caught up in watching his friend and listening to the things he said and didn’t say. Brian was practically vibrating with possibilities as he led them through the rooms. He didn’t lay out any specific plans and was really acting more like a realtor explaining room dimensions, heating and cooling systems and the materials and amenities, but Michael knew his friend well-enough to read under the lines. Brian hadn’t been like this when he had found the loft and he had loved that loft, it had been the culmination of the dreams he had harbored his whole life when he dreamed about getting out of his parents’ house and surpassing them financially so that he would prove them wrong.

Michael’s heart suddenly stopped. There was a lot of space here. A lot more than Brian needed for just himself. Maybe he was thinking of having Gus come stay with him now that he was almost old enough? Or had he met someone during the months they were barely in contact?

“What do you think?” Brian asked as they stood in the master suite. Brian leaning against the double sink counter. Michael was still looking at the glass enclosed shower that was next to a large Jacuzzi tub.

“I think it’s gorgeous. When.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “When did you make the offer?”

Brian looked away for a moment and then back at Michael. “I haven’t yet. Do you think I should?” Brian stood up straight and looked around the room as if he was seeing it for the first time. Something about his expression and his body language set off alarm bells in Michael’s head. “Could you live in a place like this?” 

Brian walked out of the room without waiting for Michael’s answer. Michael followed him into the master bedroom. 

“I know it’s probably more than you would like. Right?” Brian was standing in the middle of the empty room. The light from the balcony behind Brian the only light in the room.

“But it’s very you, Brian. And, it’s not bad, Brian. Doesn’t seem, uh, overdone. I could see this being a home.” Actually, as Michael thought about it. Despite the size and amenities like the gym, the pool and the concierge services Brian had related it seemed far more of a home than Brian’s loft did. Like a place that you would live in, not just show off. He hadn’t realized he felt that way about the loft – when Brian was there it was home.

“There’s room here if you want to move in. You know, after you leave Ben. We always talked about being roommates.”

Michael watched Brian. He seemed nervous. “I wouldn’t want to cramp your style. I’ll probably move back in with Emmett.”

“Then you’d be cramping his style. He says he’s rather attached to sex in the kitchen.” Brian chuckled. “Now, this place has a kitchen made for sex.” He waggled his brows at his friend. 

Michael rolled his eyes and moved towards the glass door. “Aren’t we a bit old to finally become roommates?”

“Then just stay until you find your own place.”

Michael shrugged and looked out the window. The City was now dark; all there was to see the lights of life in the distance. He watched an eerily lit train go by on the train tracks below them by the river, but realized he couldn’t hear it. Not like he could at his and Ben’s place. “Ben is coming home Sunday.”

“You spoke to him?” 

“He called. Said he was coming back as scheduled. We didn’t talk about anything.” 

Michael’s shoulders relaxed as Brian put his hands on them and rubbed. He felt the heat even through his jacket.

“You plan to still be there when he gets home?”

Michael started. He had never considered moving out before Ben got back. Had been so busy imagining their conversation, working to steel himself not to give in if Ben asked to try to work things out or to weaken and ask that of Ben. He had never considered it being a done deal before he and Ben got to talk. Was that a cowardly move or the smart one? Was he really sure about everything? Maybe Ben was too busy to call and wasn’t with his former lover in the way he suspected? Did that even matter? Wait, hadn’t he decided it was over no matter what?

“I won’t let you change your mind, Michael.” Brian’s voice was a low, dangerous promise that straightened Michael’s posture. 

“I’m not. Not really. Just hadn’t considered leaving before he and I talked.” Calm now, he remembered his resolve of yesterday. It wasn’t just about Jackson and London. He studied Brian’s face. His body. His relationship with Ben was over, he knew that. He was still in love with Brian, both of them knew that now. Could they be roommates? Could he live with watching Brian trick or even date someone else? Yes. He’d done it before. He’d do it again for the rest of his life. Could he do in the same home? God, he wanted to no matter how much it hurt. He never wanted to be apart from Brian again.

Michael froze as Brian stepped closer. Then closer again. He looked up into his friend’s face and tried to identify the emotions swirling around in Brian’s strangely bright eyes. Anger and determination were easy to identify. Sadly, so was hurt. The rest Michael wasn’t positive about – love, regret, desire? Michael’s breath caught. He saw the flare in Brian’s eyes and knew his friend had heard his reaction. Brian put a hand on the back of Michael’s neck. Just looked at him.

“Why, Brian? Why would you want us to be roommates after all this time?” Michael cleared his throat. “After what I said last night.”

“That you love me?” 

Brian’s voice sounded awed to Michael. His heart started beating faster. Then faster still when Brian cupped his other hand on Michael’s jaw and then stroked Michael’s bottom lip with his thumb. Without thinking Michael’s tongue slid out and licked the thumb and pulled it into his mouth. This time the gasp came from Brian. Michael kept sucking, watching Brian’s eyes dilate until they were almost completely black. Michael’s cock twitched and hardened in his jeans. He sucked harder, drawing the taste of Brian’s skin in, wishing it was another part of Brian in his mouth. His whimper when Brian pulled his thumb away was cut off by Brian’s lips.

He whimpered again against Brian’s lips. This was not the frantic claiming he expected and had experienced before from Brian. This was a soft brush of lips, back and forth, a hint of tongue tickling his lips, opening them and sliding in just a bit. A shallow taste. Michael felt it down to his toes and in his balls. He gripped Brian’s hips to stay upright, but it was Brian’s hand still clasping his neck that held him up. 

Michael tangled his tongue with Brian’s. Part urging him in deeper and part tasting and reveling in the tender connection. He opened his eyes and found Brian’s dark ones looking into his, through him. He moaned and tightened his fingers on Brian’s lean hips. 

The kiss got deeper, but remained slow and tender. Michael never wanted it to end. He pressed his groin against Brian and felt Brian’s own hardness against his stomach. He could come from this alone. They pressed tighter together and Brian’s tongue reached the back of his mouth and the kiss got faster, harder, but only minimally at first. Moment by moment it ratcheted up in intensity. Brian’s free hand had been tracing patterns over the small of Michael’s back, under his jacket, and was now under his t-shirt. They were both moaning now as the kiss went on, both their eyes closed and their breaths being taken in the short milliseconds that their lips parted out of necessity. 

Michael’s hips jerked forward when Brian’s hand slid down into Michael’s pants, over his black briefs, and cupped his ass. Brian jerked back and then pushed against Michael again and pulled Michael’s up and into him. They pressed tighter together as their kiss got sloppy wet their moans increased in volume. Their chins were dripping with saliva as they humped against each other. Brian jerkily pulled his hand up and then under Michael’s briefs. He grasped Michael’s bare ass hard causing Michael to groan and speed up his thrusts. Their balance was shot and they danced in a haphazard circle as they raced towards completion; both unwilling to let go of the other. Michael cried out first, pulling from the kiss to cry out Brian’s name as he soaked his underwear. 

“Mikey, Mikey, Mikey,” Brian cried as Michael’s rode out his orgasm, shooting load after load and jerking against his friend. The feel of the wet warmth seeping into his jeans dragged Brian’s own release out of him. Michael’s knees buckled and Brian let himself go with Michael to the floor as his first orgasm ended and slipped into another. He was jerking against Michael as they lay tangled on the floor. His litany of his best friend’s name finally died in his throat and he sought out Michael’s lips again.

Michael opened his mouth and welcomed him back. He didn’t want this to end. The real world didn’t exist here with Brian. This kiss was different than any that had been shared between them before. This was intimate in a way that only happens after the barriers are dropped and completion is found. The l-word was echoing inside each of them, but there was no space for it to escape as they explored each other’s mouths and hands stroked and memorized bodies. 

Eventually the kiss ended and Brian buried his face in Michael’s hair. They stayed wrapped in each other for a long while until finally the sticky wet of their jeans became uncomfortable. Brian heaved a breath and pressed himself up on his hands. He looked down at Michael, searching his face for a reaction.

Michael saw the fear in Brian’s face and was comforted by it. It wasn’t a fear accompanied by running and avoiding, this was a fear that needed something. Needed Michael. Michael smiled widely and reached up to stroke Brian’s face. “That was amazing,” he whispered. “You’re amazing.”

“Wait until we do this naked.” Brian laughed and nuzzled Michael’s neck.

Michael laughed too, not at Brian’s words, but the promise in them and at his friend’s good mood. He was giddy at what just had happened between them and what was still happening. His laugh deepened when his stomach growled, completely breaking the bubble that they had been in.

Brian groaned and looked at Michael and them got up to his knees and looked at himself. Brian’s jeans were dark so the wet spot wasn’t as glaringly obvious as it was on Michael’s light colored jeans.

“You’ll need to hold your jacket in front of yourself. “ Brian stood up.

Michael grunted and sat up. Brian had his long coat draped over the breakfast bar and could simply button it up and be covered. Michael flushed at the thought of all the people he would have to run into to get into Brian’s car. 

“I think I’ll call Jennifer and tell her to submit the offer for this place. You like it don’t you?” Brian grinned widely and held out a hand to Michael. 

Michael took the hand and flashed back to Brian’s invitation to live here. What did what just happened here mean to that invitation? Before Michael’s brain could fall into turmoil, Brian tugged on his hand and gave him a look. “Let’s get you a change of clothes and feed the savage beast in your stomach.” 

“And we’ll talk.” 

Brian smiled proudly at him before nodding and walking out of the bedroom. 

Michael stood there a moment. He knew that he had a goofy smile on his face, figured he should probably be worried and upset, but all he could think was that he really liked this master bedroom. 

*End Chapter 3*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely worthy of the M rating.

Getting to Brian’s car was a lot easier than Michael had anticipated. Holding his jacket in front of him no one could see the tell-tale wetness on the front of his jeans. He refused to consider that anyone could scent the sex that surrounded them. Most people weren’t looking for it and were oblivious. In the close quarters of Brian’s car Michael was anything but oblivious to it. 

Neither man said anything to each other as Brian smoothly drove them straight to his loft. Brian called Jennifer as they drove and told her to fax in the offer they had apparently already prepared. When Brian confirmed that “he liked it” Michael realized that Brian really had been waiting for his opinion about the place. That caused a lump in Michael’s throat thinking that he wouldn’t have been there to do that if Michael hadn’t broken down and called him the day before. Would Brian still have given up the loft and bought the place that he so obviously belonged in now? There was so much about what was going in Brian’s life and head that he just had no idea about after these months of minimal contact. Even when they had been around each other conversation was stilted and shallow, what with Brian’s anger, Michael’s shame, Ben’s eagle eye, and everyone running interference to prop up the relationship that should have failed a long time ago. 

Guilt threatened to worm its way through Michael’s brain, but it was frozen in its tracks by the anger that was pumping through the car. Brian’s anger. Michael took a deep breath and looked at Brian who turned to look at him for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road. Though now dark, there were enough street lights illuminating their crawl through rush hour to let him see Brian’s face, the rage hardening the planes of his face, his eyes dark and seething. Michael shifted in his seat and felt at a distinct disadvantage. 

Michael’s jeans and underwear were sticking to him, but the upcoming painful undressing was the least of his anxiety. Brian’s rage – his rightful rage – was the predominant future that Michel could predict. He tightened his body and resisted the urge to fidget. He took another deep breath and engaged the visualizations Ben had taught him to try to stay in the now. To just be here in the car with Brian. To feel and accept his angry hurt. To battle back his own fear and guilt knowing that if he didn’t he could drown in it. Months of guilt, years really, were like a threatening tidal wave. Behind that was the sensory experience of what just happened between them in the apartment. That was the past, it had no place in the now either. There could only be now.

He took another breath and closed his eyes. The rage, the hurt, the want, and, strangely, the hope were what was now. A battle was building. He had made this happen, Michael realized. All his wrong moves had pushed the two longtime friends to this precipice. He didn’t think that Brian would be here like this now without it. For a moment the sexual satisfaction of the recent past swept through his body. In the car now, as Brian turned off the crowded road to start on the side streets that led to the loft, their release became dark and menacing; a tempting hunger. It would be a close thing, Michael realized as he once again stood mentally in the now, between the communication they needed to do and falling into physical passion the moment they got into the loft.

The sound of Michael’s phone in startled him from his visions and out of the corner of his eye he saw Brian also jerk in surprise. Thankful the device was in his jacket and not his sticky pants. He pulled it out and looked at the screen. “Uncle Vic,” he told Brian before answering. No one else would be allowed into the car with them. 

“Uncle Vic.”

_”Call your mother back before she hunts you down,” Vic said by way of greeting._

“She asked you to track me down? Aren’t you supposed to be immune to that since you moved out?” He chuckled when he heard Vic snort in amusement over the line since he himself had moved over well over a decade ago and he wasn’t immune. 

_”She showed up while Rodney and I were trying to spend some alone time.” Michael could hear the eye roll to go along with the exasperation in Vic’s voice._

“She keeps insisting we show up for dinner Sunday right when Ben gets off the plane. I’ve told her we can’t do that.” Michael rubbed his forehead. 

_”Did you hear from Ben?”_

”He called. He’ll be back Sunday.”

_”Do you need to talk? Do you want to come over?”_

“No, that’s okay. I’m with Brian.” 

_”About time, Michael. It’s about time. Take care of him. Let him take care of you. I’ll take care of your mother about Sunday. Somehow. Call me if you need me. Any time.”_

“I will, Uncle Vic. Thanks.” Michael felt the relief in Uncle Vic’s voice like a dart of guilt. Uncle Vic had been furious with Michael, and with Ben, when he had, as Vic had succinctly put it, turned his back on his best friend. Michael knew his uncle saw his younger self in Brian and had always been protective of the boy he had been and the man he had become. Most of his updates about Brian over the past few months had been from Uncle Vic who had made it his business to try to look out for him best he could. As much as Brian had let him. 

Michael put the phone back in his jacket and tightened it over his lap again. With Vic’s call the momentous thing they had finally done was a living thing in the car. Michael was unable to hide behind philosophical thoughts and deep breathing. He flushed and looked out the window, unable to look at Brian even from his peripheral vision. Thrumming through his head were memories that were suddenly connected. That time in his childhood bedroom and being interrupted by Ma. Voices of his friends and his mother telling him that he was waiting for that moment to be finished. Voices telling him that Brian would never want him that way, his own being the loudest. A scene in a Babylon bathroom, high on E, his hand dipping lower than he should have ever let it. Brian pulling away. A kiss on the Turnpike that was interrupted by their friends. Brian’s face on the stairs at Babylon and the heat of David standing above them. Arching against each other that evening. The smell of sex in the car. His senses were flooded with tastes, smells, stubbled faces, and undeniably arousing skin.

As much as he had denied it, everyone had been right he had been waiting for what happened tonight. They were wrong at the why, though. It was not to finish the fantasy but to start it. He was once again struck by the inevitability of his decision to accede to Ben’s demands and force Brian’s hand. For once Brian’s rage was bringing them closer instead of far apart. He no longer believed that his call last night was the only way they would be drawn back together into their best friend bubble. Brian was on the verge of making a move. 

Michael was right. It was Brian’s furious plotting and scheming being circumvented with a call from the object of his heated obsession that had him responding to the call without hesitation. Brian’s lust had been hiding beneath the surface for years, but he never planned to do anything about. Not until they were, as he put it to Michael’s mother once years ago, they were two old fags living in Palm Springs. The short brushes with losing Michael had eroded his control, but only briefly and he was able to brace the sea walls back up. The loss of his mother, the last of his resented parental units had swept away impediments he hadn’t fully realized until Ben’s edict had been implemented. These months of loss, however, had stopped Brian from denying what he wanted. What he needed. The barriers were in shambles. Part of him scrambled over them to get to Michael, the other part of him stumbled and considered giving up and lying on the sharp rocks. To punish Michael. To punish himself. All of it manifested in Brian’s default defense mechanism, anger. Even if it wasn’t the last barrier left, being honest about himself was never something he was good at – as much as he told others’ truth so freely.

Being with Ben had made Michael more thoughtful; taught him to stop and think sometimes, but most importantly, had made him trust his own insights to know when rash action was the best course of action. As he physically and mentally pulled back from the encounter he tried to think what to do next. He finally looked over at Brian as he pulled into his parking garage spot and turned off the car. Though he had broken from Brian’s web little by little since turning thirty, he realized that he still knew Brian. Really knew him; knew well enough that there were only sharp edges protecting a soft core of need that had always been protected at all costs. There was no logic, no strategic battle plan of advancement that would let him get in close, not tonight. If he wanted to get close to that core, to the Brian he saw when so many others didn’t, only quick movements and allowing himself to be cut and bleeding would work. He would have to be the superhero.

Brian got out of the car without a word and Michael followed him silently. Brian walked across the loft shedding clothes while Michael stood behind and closed and locked the loft door. Michael heard the shower water turning on as he dropped his jacket on the floor. He walked through the trail of clothes. He stood in the bedroom looking through the glass enclosure to the shower as Brian stood, his head back, and let the water sluice over his body. Michael undressed more methodically. Tossing his dirty clothes in the hamper. He looked down at his hand where his wedding band still shined. Instead of guilt he felt relief when he worked if off his finger. There was an indent and a tan line on his finger he noticed when he carefully placed the ring on the low dresser. He turned back, naked now, and looked again at Brian who was still standing still in the shower.

Waiting, Michael said in his head.

Knowing he could be walking into a trap he didn’t hesitate to walk into the bathroom and into the shower. The water was hot, hotter than he was comfortable with, but he didn’t hesitate to get under the extra large stream from Brian’s rainfall shower head. He didn’t press his body against Brian’s. Though the desire thrummed through him again, stronger than ever having had a taste of it, sex would be a distraction. Michael mentally girded himself. 

Michael observed that Brian’s face was blank, but his eyes were dark and watching. Michael reached over and filled his hand with soap. He rubbed his hands together to spread the gel and then lay his palms flat on the Brian’s chest. Brian’s eyes widened. Michael began spreading the lather in widening circles over Brian’s chest. Over his shoulders. Down his arms. Up his side. Under his arms. Every so often he would reach for more soap. He scrubbed Brian’s neck and then ran his hand down Brian’s chest, over his stomach and began cleaning the trail of hair and ran his soapy fingers through the copious pubic hair in which his cock nested. He ignored the red, pulsing cock and moved his hand to Brian’s hips. He lathered more soap and then cleaned the seam of Brian’s legs, his balls, just behind them and worked on his thighs. One at a time.

Brian’s body was held rigid, but because he was touching him he could feel the small thrusts that Brian could not hide. He could feel Brian’s hot breath on the back of his neck as he bent into his purposeful care of the man he loved. He knelt down and cleansed his shins, the tops of his feet, and each toe. He smiled grimly when he heard the whine Brian could not hold back. Michael refused to let his own demanding arousal distract him. 

Brian’s eyes were closed and he had started to let out low moans that vibrated through his body as Michael worked on the back of his body just as slowly and carefully as he had the front. He would let out a high pitched noise when Michael’s hard cock would brush against his skin as Michael did his work. Michael worked the tension out of Brian’s shoulders and neck. 

By the time Michael reached his hair, Brian was leaning back against Michael’s body. Michael shampooed Brian’s hair with a hard scalp massage and Brian’s breathing became more ragged and he began thrusting into the air and then back against Michael’s hard cock. 

Michael rinsed his hands and then came back to the front of Brian. This time he lathered his hands with Brian’s face cleanser. He changed his touch from clinical to sensual and used the tips of his finger to lightly massage every centimeter of Brian’s face. When he got to Brian’s lips, the man moaned and opened his eyes. His pupils were blown with lust, but more notably there was the sheen of tears making them sparkle. His lashes were spiked with shower water, but also tears. He had understood Michael’s care. What he was communicating without words.

Michael knew that this wasn’t Brian’s final surrender, that this was just a temporary advance. But he would make a beachhead here until he could go further. He dipped a finger into Brian’s mouth. Brian’s tongue bathed Michael’s finger, but he did nothing else. Just waited. Then he moaned and threw his head back and arched his body at the touch of fingers along his pulsing cock. He hadn’t realized Michael’s left hand had left his face while he reveled in something of Michael’s entering his body.

He thrust forward trying to reach out to the fingers Michael had pulled back. Brian shivered as Michael’s fingers again traced his length. He let out a long whine when those fingers played with his engorged head and periodically put pressure on his leaking slit. He shuddered when Michael cupped his balls – one real and one a simulation – with his other hand and broadened the sensual play. Brian didn’t have the ability to want more than he was getting. Had there been more pressure around the rest of his cock he would have welcomed it, but he was already close to coming with this soft play. The tender care Michael had shown his body had stimulated every millimeter of skin and every nerve ending, His entire lean body was a sexual organ that had been played for uncountable minutes. Maybe hours. The care settled deep in his soul, satisfying an empty place that had been aching for as long as he could remember.

He was losing the ability to stand and he gripped Michael’s shoulders as he continued to thrust and arch into Michael’s touch. His balls were released then sensual fingers swiped up his cock. He had never been this hard. He had never had to come for such a prolonged period of time before. He could always hold back his own release and turn it into two orgasms, this was different. He had no control over it. He was so close to release but his body refused to allow itself to be bereft of Michael’s touch. He couldn’t stop the noises flying out of his mouth. There might have been words in there but he couldn’t hear them over the shower and the deafening thrum of his pulse in his ears. Overwhelmed with the need, he smashed his lips against Michael’s and tasted deeply of his mouth. He sucked, bit, and kissed. He grasped the back of Michael’s skull and pressed their faces closer together. 

Oh god, I’m going to explode. He would cease to be. He would be torn apart. He felt like Michael’s lips were the only thing holding together as his cock widened and lengthened as the pressure built. Michael’s hand was now wrapped tightly around his cock and pulling. Pushing. His other fingers pinched the head of his cock and swiped just under the head at his sensitive spot. The pinching was faster than the quick movements of his tight hand. Oh god. Brian wanted it to never stop. Then his body froze to a halt and he came. Hard. Bright light flared behind his eyes. His body jerked. Jerked again. He felt the hot, wet release between their body. He pulsed again and there was more. Again. Again. His cock ached and started to tingle. There was nothing left to release. Michael was now softly stroking and drawing out the orgasm. Maybe the two orgasms. Three? Four. The only thing holding Brian up was the kiss he never ceased even when it was just him breathing into Michael’s mouth.

**End Chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the too long delay. I found that I wrote myself into a corner with the last chapter. I found that my re-write was actually turning this into a different story and that was not my intent. It took my this long to get back on track. I promise the wait for the next chapter will not be as long.

~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 5  
~~~~~~~~

The loft was filled with a very big “what now” as the two men got busy cleaning up after their shower, ordering dinner, talking about the apartment – but not what had happened there or in the shower - and catching up on their lives in general. Strangely, despite talking around the alterations that their relationship had just undergone, there was no manic attempt going to pretend it didn’t happen. It was very much present and in each man’s mind. It was also present between them, in looks and touches. 

Michael was floating on a strange mix of relief, guilt, and a sharper than ever awareness of Brian. Even in his fantasies he rarely envisioned being in the lead during sex with Brian. Something only occurring as a concession to Michael's desires, or as a result of an unexpected encounter probably even happening when he was taking emotional and physical care of Brian after a breakdown of the type that had gotten rarer after his parents had passed on. Having Brian turn himself over to Michael as he had in the shower just now, on their second sexual encounter was shocking. 

It gave him hope they could be together as equals, something that had never occurred to him as possible even in his wildest dreams.

Because try as he might to slow down. To do things methodically. To cleanly end his commitment to Ben. To let himself heal. To mend things with Brian. To adequately make it up to Brian. Then discovering if there was a shot for them to build a foundation for the expansion of their friendship to the romantic level. He was failing. The need to slip through Brian's sharp barriers with definitive and courageous action had already pulled Michael past the point of no return and even knowing that the physical attraction Brian was showing towards Michael was more about Brian needing Michael close than any future romantic intentions didn't stop Michael from already falling in deeper love with Brian than he'd ever allowed himself before. 

Michael took a deep breath and looked down into the carton of Lo Mein. His mind was racing, but he had never felt clearer in thought than he did now. He was going to end things with Ben and he was going to risk being devastated by his feelings for Brian. He was all in this, whatever it was.

“Something wrong with the noodles?” 

Michael couldn't help a snort of laughter at the laconic tone in Brian's voice. He looked up at his friend, shrugged, and shoved a forkful into his mouth. His chest tightened at the happiness Brian was displaying. His gut tightened with desire. He wanted to push the food aside and tackle his friend and this time find the release he had denied himself in the shower. That had been an act of care for Brian and he was determined not to spoil it by losing his head to lust like he had at the apartment. 

He kept his gaze trained on Brian as the other man dipped his head and his cheeks flushed. Michael figured that his desire was easy for a master like Brian to read. He hadn't intended for that, but he wasn't going to deceive Brian now by pretending it wasn't thrumming between them. He was, in fact, emboldened by Brian's flush as the man wasn't the blushing kind. It meant that he was getting through, that Brian was correctly reading that this was about more than lust. 

“I love you.”

Michael watched in delight as Brian's cheeks reddened further and the experienced man looked up at him. His gaze was full of lust, confusion, and hope. 

Michael dropped the carton and reached across to plant his hands on Brian's warm cheeks. He pulled them closer together and pressed his lips against Brian's. He kept his eyes open and their stared into each other's eyes as their lips and tongues danced between them. It was sensual and intimate this way. Like nothing either of them had ever experienced. Michael felt himself teetering on a precipice. His fingers lingered on Brian's jaw, tilted his head to enable maximum access. The stubble he rubbed against sent sparks of sensation through his entire body, as did Brian's talented tongue. He wanted nothing more than to once again run his hands over Brian's body and bring him to completion again. From the noises Brian was making and his own hands gripping Michael's waist he knew Brian wouldn't not object. 

Michael pulled out of the kiss. Panting he looked at Brian's needful face and was sucked back in. He had meant to stop the lust tonight lest Brian get the wrong idea, but this was more powerful than he could fight against. On his knees he walked his body to press flush against Brian's rising body. Pressed together he could feel Brian's hard want pulsing against him. He had a fleeting thought about Brian's amazingly short refractory period. He had already come deep and sharp twice tonight and was ready to go again. Then his thoughts stopped as Brian cupped the globes of his ass and deepened the kiss. Michael willingly gave himself up to Brian's lead. 

True to Brian's reputation they were both divested of clothes before Michael was conscious that it was happening. The noises Michael was making as Brian ran his hands over all of Michael's hot spots was shameless even to his own ears. He didn't try to hold back his eagerness. Even if he could, Brian deserved to know just how effective he was at turning Michael into a puddle. 

Michael went willingly as Brian pulled his away from the detritus of their abandoned dinner. His steps were wobbly, but patently unnecessary as Brian led them to the couch. Brian had his body covering Michael's, holding him in place. His mouth was eliciting sensations from Michael's neck that no one had ever achieved before. Michael could feel and hear that Brian was murmuring words against the skin, but couldn't not make them out. It drove him wild. He needed to know what Brian was saying. 

Brian lifted his head and stared into his eyes. His hands gripped Michael's head, his fingers entwined in Michael's short, dark hair and pulled. Michael bit back a groan and his hips bucked under Brian's controlling weight. Brian's lips tilted into a sharp look of satisfaction. “No more waiting,” Brian rasped before once again taking what he wanted.

~~~~~~~~  
Ben & Michael’s Apartment  
~~~~~~~~

Michael let himself into the apartment. He was exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. After a surprisingly not awkward start to the morning, Brian and Michael had woken up together, rutted against each other to completion, and then started their day. It felt so right to wake up together and give in to long suppressed lust. So right that Michael had almost forgotten that Ben was due home that day. Neither man brought it up, but it was present between them as they parted at the loft door. There was no kiss, only an awkwardness as they parted, fully-dressed, into the real world. 

Michael had turned down Brian's offer of a ride. He opted to walk home, wanting the physical exertion and time to clear his head. To gird himself for the confrontation with Ben. His husband. The appellation and the vows underlying it were weights on his thoughts. The feeling of rightness that he felt in Brian's presence was fading with each step he took towards the home and family that he and Ben had made. He struggled not to taint what had been shared last night, but the doubts that he pushed out of his head while Brian was touching him roared back. He suddenly wasn't sure what Brian wanted. Could he, Brian Kinney, really wanting a long-term commitment? Or was it like he had with Justin, a roommates with benefits arrangement? Michael might have accepted in their younger days, but didn't think he or their friendship could survive it now. 

Shit. Once again he had leapt before thinking things through. All the questions he should have asked were flooding his brain as Michael put his keys down on the kitchen counter. He stood for a moment gathering his thoughts. He had cheated with Brian, but had Ben really cheated? He had come to that conclusion, but what if Ben only wanted and had not physically broken his vows as he had done with Brian. His mind was too confused with guilt and fear and he surrendered to the need to know what Ben's' intentions were before he even tried to sort it all out. He moved forward to the bedroom and wondered what Ben was thinking. Was he in there packing or unpacking? After a split second hesitation, Michael strengthened his resolve and walked into the room.

“Hello, Ben.”

Ben turned around with an unsurprised look on his face and Michael realized that Ben had heard Michael enter, but still hadn't made an effort to greet him until this moment. As Michael looked at Ben he felt a compulsion to say that he would have picked Ben up at the airport just like he had dropped him off, but he couldn't make himself say the words. If Ben had wanted that he would have informed him that he had gotten an earlier flight. 

Michael felt Ben's gaze sweep over him and knew he had recognized that the clothes he was wearing were a combination of worn jeans he had left at Brian's after Ben urged him to get rid of them for more “mature” clothing and a shirt that was obviously Brian's. Michael pressed his lips together, resisting the urge to explain himself that had become habitual, and not just with Ben. A niggle of resentment broke into the haze of guilt clouding his mind.

“Hello, Michael. We need to talk,” Ben said. His tone was surprisingly quiet and not the usual anger or command that Michael had come to despise.

“I know.” Michael’s heart pounded now that the moment was here to end or change two years of connection. He felt a leaden feeling of disappointment and loss. 

“You know.” 

“Not exactly. What happened in London?” Michael braced himself, unsure which answer he wanted to hear.

Ben pushed the suitcase further up the bed and sat down. 

Ben sitting down rather than using his bulk to his advantage sent a feeling of relief through Michael. It also shocked and appalled him; he had never realized that he had felt intimidated before. He couldn't help but wonder how he had missed the subconscious fear Ben had instilled in him during the steroid rages that occurred early in their relationship. Fear that had apparently kept him somewhat docile. His own rage swept through him, but he kept it under wraps. It wouldn't help anything now. 

“You went to Brian.”

Michael found his answer in Ben's deflection.

“I didn't cheat when Jackson was here.”

Not physically, maybe, Michael thought.

“But London. I hadn't planned on it. I didn't think it would happen.”

“Me either.”

The two men looked at each other silently. Both realizing that they were long past apologies. 

“Are you planning to be with him?” Michael asked to break the silence. 

“I don’t know. All I know is that I love you.”

“And him.”

“Just as you love Brian.” There was a defensive tilt to Ben's chin. 

“And you.” Michael could never deny that, even though holding on to his growing resentment would be less painful. “But we haven't been happy.” It was the first time that Michael admitted it. 

“We could be again,” Ben stated without much confidence.

“Do you really think so?” Michael's surprise prompted the question. 

“I think it's worth taking some time to find out.”

“Shit.” Michael sat down on the bed and looked at his hands.

“Yeah.” Ben swiped a hand through his blond hair. 

Nothing more was said for long minutes.

“I'm not sure,” Michael whispered. “I need time to think.”

“I’ll go,” Ben declared more than offered.

Michael nodded. With that Ben stood up. Michael's breath wooshed out and he felt a staggering pain in his chest. They might not be saying it out loud, but this felt like the end. He was at a complete loss as to what to do at this point. David had told him to leave. None of his friends had ever had a serious relationship break up without an explosive event or a whimper. This was so civilized. 

Michael walked back into the living room. There were too many memories here, a lot of them happy, he admitted so even though Ben was leaving he didn't want to stay here. He couldn't think here. Michael picked up his keys and left without saying goodbye.


End file.
